About a year and a half after Justin was born, The Ex and I separated for close to a year. It was at my request. I simply wasn't happy, and I was questioning whether or not I was really in love with the man I married.

I'm not proud of it, but part of the reason I pressed for a reconciliation had to do with money, and the kids, and the fact that I sensed that he was perhaps moving away toward another woman.

It's an ironic fact that even if you think you don't want to be with someone, the minute you realize that another person might find him or her attractive, you start to see the person differently, and wonder if maybe you're overlooking something. It's generally an ego thing, and I think it happens equally whether you're a woman or a man.

I fell into that trap, and did everything I could to reconcile with my husband.

Maybe if we had truly been in love with one another, this would have worked. But reality was, the damage had been done by the separation, neither of us had changed, and neither of us loved the other enough to make the necessary adjustments we needed to if we had a chance of really succeeding as a couple.

Oh, we went through the motions initially, even had another child. But as we stumbled along for another twelve or thirteen years,  we gradually grew more and more distant, each unhappy in our own way, but committed to staying together because we thought it was what was best for our children.

Even in the back of my mind, I calculated at what point the relationship was likely to end: when the youngest child was 13 or 16 maybe? How old would I be then? Would I still be young enough to find a happier life once that day arrived?

And clearly my husband wasn't happy. So unhappy that eventually he turned to another woman, and that forced the end of the marriage sooner than I had anticipated. This time, though, I didn't feel the pangs of jealousy that might have triggered an attempt to win him back.

Although we had stayed together "for the children", looking back on our last few years together, I see how our mutual unhappiness had an effect on them without us really realizing that we were the cause.

Yes, the kids benefited financially and maybe a little bit emotionally by having two parents in the home. But I can see that they were picking up on our unhappiness, and started acting out in ways that they wouldn't have if they had two whole, happy parents in their lives.

The second separation and impending divorce has been hard on my two youngest children. And hard on the man who will soon be my ex husband. He misses his kids terribly, and although he may not be the perfect parent yet, I see changes in how he relates to the children now that he wasn't capable of when we were together - because of his personal unhappiness.

I have not met the woman he is in love with now, but I see that she has made him a better man than I was ever able to. And because of this, as well as the financial and emotional stability the two of them can offer, I made the difficult decision to relinquish custody.

And although I have experienced quite a setback in my life because the divorce seemed to set in motion a negative chain of events for me, I know that once I am back on my feet, in the end I too will be a better parent to my children.

Because by letting go of a marriage that didn't work for the two people involved, I have opened up the door for my children to benefit from the happiness of their parents apart rather than suffering from their unhappiness together.

Sometimes the best gift a parent can give to their child is to seek out their own happiness first. When you're happy, it's easier to pass that on to your kids.

And everyone wins in the end.