There's nothing like your annual gynecological exam to open your eyes to the reality of your aging body. I don't look old, I don't feel old, but at 35, I've crossed over into a new category. The category of women who 1) must now have mammograms and 2) must make a choice between smoking and the birth control pill.

Okay, maybe I'm being overly dramatic, hehe. But I left the doctor's office in a little funk. Mammogram?? Hell, they won't be able to squeeze these little breasts into the machine for chrissake! (The doctor and I laughingly decided perhaps I better put that weigh back on ASAP - I'm officially down to 97 pounds - 20 pounds lost in a year and a half. But compared to what she shows I weighed in 1992 - 77 pounds!! - I'm still better off than I used to be.)

Then she told me this is the last year she will prescribe the Pill for me - because I smoke. I said, "Well what are my alternatives? I don't want to get fixed!" Of course, she wants me to quit smoking. I laughed to myself that she just gave me a reason to lie next year about my smoking habits.

As far as the Pill goes, we decided to try a change to a different birth control pill which has a lower, more consistent dose of estrogen throughout the cycle. She gave me a six-month starter set (geez, that will save me money) and if it doesn't ease the menstrual migraines, then I can try them non-stop. Nicely, this particular brand gives you an iron supplement to take during that week, rather than the little dummy pills most brands give you.

She also gave me some Zoloft starter sets. My original prescription was for 100 mg a day; I'm taking these teeny weeny 25 mg to start me back on gradually. I took 2 this morning, and I'm feeling a little oogie right now, so tomorrow, I'll only take one of them, and gradually build up.

I just hope it doesn't keep me from sleeping. I'm already feeling an uncharacteristic anxiety over going to work tomorrow. I can't quite put my finger on why. I've taken some Alluna (an herbal sleep-aid) and I'm going to go take a warm bath and read a little bit. I want to be in bed by 10 p.m.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a good day!