Today is my 36th birthday!

I don't really feel older; in fact, I feel younger and freer than I have in years. I bought myself lots of gifts for this birthday; after all, who else is going to do it? =)

I bought new clothes: two long skirts with slits up to there; a shorter, slimmer skirt with tiny blue and white butterflies on it; numerous tops; and shoes, including a pair of black, high heeled strappy sandals (which I haven't had the courage to wear yet!) - happiness is a full closet!

I bought new jewelry: earrings and toe rings, a bracelet and ring set, and a necklace - of course, all in silver and black.

I ate like a piglet: Olive Garden, Chili's, Don Pablos - all by myself.

I bought four cassette tapes for my car: Mary Chapin Carpenter, Chris Cagle, Cindy Thompson, and Lila McCann.

And I also got another special gift.

I conquered my fear, and just look at what I did:

Okay now, don't laugh at my belly - I have had three children, you know! And damned if those web cam shadows didn't make it look like I was practically pregnant again, haha. Kind of looks like the moon with a little crater there in the center, huh? But I had to take a close-up, otherwise, you wouldn't be able to tell what the hell I'd done.

Here's another one, that looks even more like the moon:

But who really cares? I love my piercing!! I finally did what I wanted to do for so long but was afraid of doing. I hate needles! When I first started thinking about piercing my belly button, I went online and found pictures of the procedure. I got so freaked out, I had to go lay down on my bed to keep from fainting.

But I'd been thinking about it more and more and more. My sister had hers done, and she recommended Tigger's in Deep Ellum. I decided to map the directions on Yahoo from my work to Tigger's, and just made up my mind that by God, I was going to do it, even knowing it would probably hurt.

I rationalized that even if it did hurt, once I realized that it hurt, it would be over already, right?

I told my sister I was planning to go Thursday night. Hers had been painful when she had it done, and knowing my needle phobia, she tried to talk me out of going alone. What if I freaked out or something?

But I had to go while my courage was up, otherwise, I might have ended up chickening out. And I wanted to do it before the weekend, so I would have time to recover if it turned out to be a ghastly experience. I couldn't go on Friday because I had to pick up the kids, so Thursday was as close to the weekend as I could get.

On the big day, I tried to stay calm at work. I took a Xanax in the late afternoon to keep my nerves at bay. I considered stopping at the Olive Garden for a glass of wine first. But in the end, I just got into my car and drove downtown, taking deep breaths along the way to relax.

I found Tigger's and then realized I had to find a place to park. Not knowing how long I'd be there, I paid five freaking dollars to park in an empty lot (for what ended up being less than a half an hour). I should have just dropped coins in a meter, but right then, I figured if I didn't just hurry up and park fast, I'd find myself headed home, sans piercing.

Surprisingly, once I parked, I didn't dwell on what I was about to do. I just got out and walked to Tigger's. I went in and told the guy at the counter what I wanted, mentioning of course that I was a huge coward! He just smiled and said I didn't have to worry about it at all.

He gave me a choice between a bar and a ring, and I opted for a ring, since my sis had told me her bar had given her trouble. He introduced me to the guy who was going to do the deed, and I laughed because his name was the same as The Ex's. He was huge and covered in tattoos - gulp!!

We went into the little room, and I had to pull down my skirt and hose a bit, and lift my shirt so he could mark my navel with a purple marker. Then he instructed me to get up on the table, and I did, shaking a little. I asked if he would be using a clamp, and he said yes, and I told him to make it tight, hoping that might distract from the pain of the needle.

He chuckled a bit, then cleaned my navel and applied the clamp. Then I felt a different sensation, not too terrible, and I hoped that it was the needle, because I figured that was about as high as my pain tolerance would go. He then said, okay, I have to tighten the bead, and then we're all done!!

I was shocked!!!!

"You're really done??"

And I started laughing. I couldn't believe it was over and I hadn't passed out or yelped or anything. I did tell him that I would like to lay down for a few minutes, and if I could please have a glass of water. I knew if I got up right away, I'd get dizzy from being so nervous. While he was gone, I took a peek at my belly and giggled.

He came back with the water, and then went over the after-care instructions with me. Thank goodness they were on a sheet of paper I could take with me, because I wouldn't have remembered a word he said.

I drove home all giddy, not noticing the rush hour traffic on I-30. I stopped at Walgreen's for Dial Antibacterial Soap and Vitamin E Oil. When I got home, I showed Scott, and then I had to rest on my bed for a bit from all the excitement. I took my cam pics. I cleaned my belly button and applied the oil and wiggled the ring around. Then I snuggled into bed, still psyched up by what I'd done. Thank goodness I'd taken that Xanax earlier, because I don't think I'd have slept otherwise.

I'm so happy I finally did this. It may seem like a very small thing, but to me, it was a big deal, because it was about more than just body decoration. It was about conquering a personal fear in honor of my birthday!

Thirty-six years old....good grief!

=)