Gobble, gobble.

Thanksgiving sucks when you've got a migraine.

When I came to the last of my pills, I knew I'd have a period, but I forgot about the real reason I take the Pill at all: to avoid this kind of pain. The timing could not have been worse.

It started on Sunday and got progressively worse, to the point where instead of spending Thanksgiving with my family, I spent it in bed, agonizingly dysfunctional. Of course, my family is agonizingly dysfunctional most of the time as well, so I'm not sure it mattered much how I spent the day in the long run. =)

It's a little better now, but there are always those moments when I'm in the midst of a really bad migraine that I wish for nothing more than a sharp object to plunge in my temple to ease the pain once and for all. It made working this week pretty much impossible, even though I had plenty to do in anticipation of being off for two days. Fortunately, just when I didn't think I could hold my head up much longer, my boss sent us all home.

I hope the worst of it has passed. I had plans this weekend to install Movable Type on my website, because, you know, I have nothing better to do but keep fiddling around with something that's already working just fine. Heh.

We'll see how that goes.

I'm back on Matchmaker again. Yes, I am a sucker for abuse, aren't I? I'm throwing myself a little more into this time, but still, there are a lot of strange men out there.

As always, there's at least one who rises above the rest and snags most of my attention. And I don't mind saying that what caught that attention was a picture of him standing in his bedroom with nothing on but shorts and a couple of tattoos. Heh. I am also a sucker for a nice body. =)

I mentioned somewhere before in this journal that I wasn't likely to meet a man while holed up in my bedroom unless he was the waterbed repairman. And wouldn't you know it, this man owns a furniture store, which sells waterbeds, and yes, he knows how to repair them. Haha. Is that a sign or what?

I'll take it as one, thank you.

We've tentatively agreed to meet for drinks next Thursday. I've got my fingers crossed on this one. And that's all I am saying about that, because this journal tends to be a jinxer when it comes to my love life. Hehe.

Then, there's always at least one Matchmaker encounter with a bisexual woman.

This one is looking for a woman for her and her husband. Hmm. I always admit to being eternally curious, and (as I'll explain in a minute), this subject isn't entirely new to me. (No, I haven't done it! Calm down, hehe.)

Anyway, the woman seemed really nice and sweet, and from her physical description, I was intrigued because she is petite like me, only she's a brunette. So I told her to go ahead and send me pictures of the two of them, which she did.

We've conversed back and forth through e-mail since then, but of course, I have no idea if it will go anywhere. Mainly, because I don't like the idea of being the third wheel, so to speak.

Which leads me to the explanation I mentioned before.

I re-established contact with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a few months. He's what you would simply call, for lack of a better term, my Fuck-Buddy.

Does that surprise you that I have one of those? Hehe. Not as much as it surprises me, let me tell you. I'm not a person who engages in casual sex with people I barely know. But from the moment I met this person, I knew that I had no interest in any kind of real relationship with him, for various reasons which I won't bother explaining here, because they really aren't relevant to this discussion.

But at the time we met, I was lonely, in between relationships, and frankly, not ashamed of having sexual needs, which he could definitely satisfy even if he was useless when it came to my emotional needs.

The sex was good. Really good. And maybe the reason it was so good was because we didn't feel any need to maintain a pretense that we were motivated by anything other than sex.

As for what I alluded to before, at one point when we were seeing each other, he almost managed to convince me that we should invite another woman into the mix.

Needless to say, I was definitely reluctant. As a woman who is well aware that she is not physically perfect, why on earth would I want to threaten my self-esteem by sharing my bed with another woman? One who might be better looking, with a nicer body, and who the guy I'm sharing just might find more attractive than me?

So he explained a little to me about how this scenario works (at least in his mind): the woman isn't there for his pleasure, she's there for mine. I would be the center of their collective attention. She goes home at the end of the evening; I'm the one still there.

Well, now, what woman doesn't want to be the center of attention?

Apparently not me, since he never managed to get me involved in any three-way action, hehe.

But this kind of explains, in a way, why I wouldn't want to be the add-in to an already established relationship. Who wants to be kicked to the curb at the end of the evening?

I can get that in a relationship involving only two people, thank you very much.

As for me and F-B, we never got to the point where it became an actual issue for me to deal with. We had a little spat, and stopped speaking for a while.

Then I met YouKnowWho, and we all know how that went. I'd been so consumed with that break-up that I'd pretty much forgotten all about F-B.

Then I remembered him and sent him an e-mail, we kissed and made up (so to speak, haha) and the subject hasn't come up again. But I suspect, if no one comes along to keep me from needing the services of my Fuck-Buddy, it very well might be addressed again at some point.

I just don't know if I'm open-minded enough for that whole scene. I confess to being intrigued, but when it got right down to the nitty-gritty, could I actually participate in such an encounter?

Maybe if copious quantities of alcohol were involved, hehe.

Just to clarify, lest anyone get the wrong idea about me: I am a serial monogamist. I don't have sex with more than one partner within a certain span of time (and no, I'm not referring to some merely tacky 24-hour rule). I wouldn't see F-B if I was in a relationship with someone, and I don't run back and forth between him and anyone I'm dating.

For many reasons, I choose my sexual partners carefully, and with the exception of F-B, the only chance of me having sex with someone is if I have extremely strong feelings for them.

Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, I don't know. But I suppose when it comes to casual sex, it's infinitely safer to confine that to a single person, rather than many partners. And knowing that there is already a person out there who I can go to if I am just experiencing a sexual urge also helps me to know when my feelings for someone else are real.

Does that make any kind of sense?

Simply put, if I meet someone who generates sufficient interest, my focus is on that person only, and F-B simply drops off the radar screen, having served his purpose of keeping me from being so sexually pent-up that I might be too easily tempted to leap into bed with the first cute guy I meet.

And if he had feelings for me that went beyond sex, then yes, I might agree that it would be wrong to use him in this manner.

But he doesn't, and I don't, and we have no illusions about what we're involved in.

Whether that makes it right, I don't know.

But frankly, neither do I care.