My mother sent me and my sister Stefani an e-mail yesterday, reminding us that it's been ten years today since Brandy died.

I was somewhat stunned to realize it's been that long. It seems almost incomprehensible, since I can still conjure up the emotional reactions as though it had only just happened.

My mother is distressed because my nephew Jacob does not seem to have any memories of his mom, and seems uncomfortable when we talk about her.

This really isn't surprising: Jake was only four years old when she died, and I imagine that hearing the sadness in my mother's voice is what makes him so uncomfortable. He doesn't really know how to respond; I'm sure he feels that he is expected to be sad about someone he doesn't even remember.

Stefani suggested putting together a scrapbook for Brandy's birthday in May, something to present to Jacob as a tribute to her memory. But I can't help but think that this will only make him even more disconcerted. It would be like giving him a book about Elvis or John F. Kennedy - someone whose death others are obsessed with while he just doesn't get what the fuss is all about.

A mother should never have to outlive her children. And a child that young should never have to be deprived of his mother.

But Jacob has had a mother-figure in his life for a long time now. To us, Karissa may not be his "real" mom, but to him, she's the only one he's ever known. He has not experienced the same loss that we have - because he does not have the same memories we have.

I know how much that pains my own mother. I just don't know how to give her any comfort.

Ten years.

We miss you, Brandy.

And though Jacob may not be aware of it, I'm sure you miss him too.