It's been an interesting week, full of annoyances, tension, laughter, and impending life changes.

Impending life changes???

Yes, the absolute biggest news is that I put down a deposit on a new apartment!!

It's located in Plano, 43 miles from where I live now, but only seven miles away from work, which is the most important thing. In terms of distance from the kids, it's actually a little bit shorter of a drive.

It's only 809 square feet, but laid out really well, and the price was pretty comparable to what I was seeing for much smaller apartments. The thing that hooked me though was the large balcony with a view of the pool - and an earful of the gurgling fountain. I couldn't help but remember being at YouKnowWho's apartment, sitting on the balcony smoking and listening to the soothing sound of the fountain there. (And no, this wasn't about being reminded of YKW - it was about remembering how comforting I found it to be on his balcony with the sound of the water. I enjoyed it very much for reasons that had nothing to do with YKW, and everything to do with the way the rushing noise of the water made me feel so calm inside.)

So now I'll have my very own fountain to comfort me. =)

Of course, there is so very much to do now, because my move-in date is April 12. I won't be taking a lot with me furniture-wise. The 401(k) money has been allocated out, and I've requested my distribution, so hopefully the money will arrive in time for me to purchase the important pieces I need (bed, couch, washer and dryer). If not, I may rent for a few months. And most of the little things I'll buy new as well.

So that leaves me moving my computer and its desk, my clothing, my books, and my personal essentials such as makeup, blowdryer, and other girlie products.

There will be a great deal of stuff left behind or thrown away. Scott is staying at the house for a while, which gives me the luxury of more time to gradually take what I want and purge the rest (because the distance and my lack of energy from working will prevent me from doing it in one fell swoop).

Along with the excitement of starting fresh in my new "bachelorette" pad, there's also another emotion: I'm fucking terrified!

I have lived in the same place for eleven years now - and haven't lived alone ever in my entire 36 years of life. Yes, I'm taking Sasha (and possibly one of the cats later on), but as much as I love her, she isn't a human. And as much as Scott frustrates me, he is my first born son, and I am already missing him because I realize the opportunities to see him won't even be as frequent as they are with Cody and Justin.

And the sense I have that, even though he is technically an adult now, I am somehow abandoning Scott makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know he has to be as scared as I am right now, but probably for very different reasons.

Everything will be strange and unfamiliar. I'll have to find a new grocery store, new nail salon, new tanning salon, new places to eat, new places to shop. (Fortunately, the AP Lady lives very close to where I'm moving, so she's been helpful in answering my questions about "where's this" and "where's that".)

And just the mere thought of giving up the sanctuary of my waterbed has been nearly enough to make me regret this move already! Will flannel sheets and an electric blanket be enough to ease that transition??

But with all the fear and guilt and nervousness comes the knowledge that this move is the culmination of all the major life changes I've been through in the past two years - and it's the most important element in giving me the sense that my "new" life is exactly that: new and fresh and shining with possibilities.

I need a bolt of lightening.

I need to put my personal health and happiness first and foremost.

I need to shred my current quilt of comfort and stitch a new blanket out of whole cloth instead of bits and pieces of patchwork scraps.

(Jesus Christ, where did that come from? Heh.)

It's overwhelming to think about the things I'll need to make the home I want - but in a completely liberating way.

I can't wait to sit on that balcony with Sasha at my feet, light up that cigarette, and raise my wine glass in a toast to that fountain.

And a toast to Bachelorette Number One.