Ahh, the first day of a brand new year!

Looking back over the past twelve months, it was all about me (yeah, I'm self-centered - one of my many flaws according to some). This was the year I took a leap into the grand land of full-fledged single womanhood. For the first time in my life, I moved into a place of my own, alone and surprisingly free of much of the emotional baggage that had weighed me down for so long. It's amazing what a change of surroundings can do for one's inner well-being.

That's not to say there haven't been some rocky moments. The last few months of the year have been tough, with work straining me physically and mentally, and one unfortunate personal tragedy that took me off the peaks and into a valley of sadness. I still have a little bit of leftover grieving to do, but I don't plan to take it much farther into what should be a shiny 2003. Best to acknowledge what happened (to myself, that's deeply private, okay?), how it affected me, and work through the feelings - but ultimately recognize that it happened for all the right reasons. Ironically, my life would have been a much bigger calamity had things gone the other way. Realizing that helps me understand that not all bad things are inherently wrong. Does that make any sense at all?

Actually, I learned a great deal from this particular event. It brought to light the truth about the people I've mistakenly allowed into my tight-knit world. You can see who people really are by their reaction to your reaction to things that happen. Are they supportive of what you're going through? Do they criticize your temporary insanity during an unexpected crisis? Do they add to your burden by making the issue about them, or about something else entirely? Do they reveal their own flawed character by their efforts to make you into the "bad guy"? Do they dismiss you altogether, because your problem or behavior makes them uncomfortable?

The answers to these types of questions helped me shape one of my most important goals for 2003: to let go of relationships that weigh me down by making me feel that there is something wrong with who I am as a human being. Fortunately, the number of such relationships in my life are limited to very few, and that will make it much easier to achieve this goal. Along with that is my resolution to act swiftly should any other such people enter my life. But - whether they are persons from my past or persons I've yet to meet, letting them go will be done with forgiveness, not bitterness. I want to be happy and free, and a bitter heart can be neither of those things.

Having friends in my life who I can trust to love me for exactly who I am, without expecting me to be who I am not, but who still encourage me to improve myself - those are the friends I want to keep, and those I want to seek out in the future. And if that circle of friends should grow no larger than what it is right now, well, then that's quite okay as well. I do have some wonderful friends, and a few close ones are better than a thousand casual acquaintances.

The next item on the agenda for 2003 is to focus on the financial, and that involves two things: get my promotion (i.e., increase my salary) and start socking away money into savings. By the end of the year, I plan to be investing. I want a big fat cushion for my narrow behind. =)

Then there is cutting back on my nicotine consumption, and substituting food instead. The goal is a minimum of fifteen pounds added to the scale.

So, that's five things to focus on: eliminate bad relationships, increase income, build savings, reduce cigarettes, and gain weight. There's a theme to these as I see it, so I've lumped them all under the umbrella of "The Year of Self-Respect".

Sounds a bit corny, huh? But by having a theme to apply to the next 364 days, I also have a guiding philosophy that I can take into any situation, apply to any dilemma, and come out with a winning action every time.

Am I hesitant to tell the truth about how I feel, for fear of another's response? I can choose the path of self-respect by deciding that my feelings are no less important than the other person's, and communicate those feelings in a way that does not diminish either of us (because how you treat others reflects how you treat yourself).

Do I stay late at work, even though I've already come in early that day, just so I can get one more thing done? Self-respect means recognizing my need for sufficient relaxation, so that I can be more productive the entire next day, and thus accomplish more than I would have in the evening before.

Is my mind cluttered with ruminations of the past, conversations had or not had, events that no longer exist in reality? A self-respecting person doesn't waste her time living in yesterday, because today and tomorrow are where she can make a difference.

I think you get the point by now - another year that's all about me. Heh.

So - what will be the theme for your New Year?