Haven't done one of these in a while. I've been so busy with other things that finding time to write has been low priority. Sigh.

Let's see - we'll start with mothers.

Shortly after my own promotion came through, my mother was terminated from her job - two days before her tenth year anniversary. This is significant because apparently, the ten-year mark at the hospital where she worked meant she was entitled to an automatic pay increase, 125% vesting in the pension program, and a few other elements of tenure that would have impacted the hospital's treatment of her as an employee. It was clear as could be to my sister and me that this termination was a deliberate act that had nothing to do with her performance, and every bit to do with some ulterior motives on the part of her employer. You don't fire someone after ten years with some lame excuses about "violating policy" (which a) they wouldn't be specific about and b) there were never any written disciplinary warnings in her file about) unless you simply want to get rid of that person for reasons other than her work. The only thing she ever was warned about was exceeding her credit limit at the gift shop (she was not the only employee to do this, and they all have a written agreement to deduct payments automatically from their paychecks, so there was really no harm or foul involved).

My mother, of course, seems too shocked over this entire matter to muster up much of the feisty attitude that comes naturally to my sister and me, though she's certainly capable of getting up in arms over mistreatment. But I think they managed to embarrass her so much (by firing her at 4 p.m. instead of closer to 5, so that she had to clean out ten years' worth of accumulated belongings from her desk in front of her now-former coworkers) that they got the result they wanted - their humiliation took the wind out of her sails.

I think most people have a sense that they're about to be fired. It's kind of like having a cheating spouse - the signs are there, if you pay attention to them close enough. My mother seems to have been completely blindsided by this.

And I'm reminded of how her employer prior to this one terminated her: they called her at home two days after my sister's funeral and gave her the bad news. Fucking insensitive cowards. But as she put it then, either they picked the absolute worst time (how do you do that to someone whose daughter just died unexpectedly?) or they picked the absolute best time (because when your child is dead, you really don't give a shit about too much else at that moment).

Anyway, aside from that - did I mention that my mother worked in the payroll department of the hospital? And the irony for me of knowing I just hired someone to work in my payroll department, which just happens to be in a company that operates hospitals?

So combine my sense of guilt over having the perfect position available - although I could not have hired her for it anyway due to a clear conflict (from an audit standpoint, you don't want two people who are related controlling the issuing of checks) - along with my guilt over having out-succeeded my own mother in her field of experience, and you've got a daughter who hasn't even mentioned her promotion to that mother. =(

Part of me says: "You're the child here, not the parent. She should be stronger than you, and able to handle this."

But I still can't bring myself to tell her.

Now on to sons.

Scott called me a week or two ago. He's been out of work for a while, and only recently got a new job. Unfortunately, he's still trying to play catch-up on his bills.

Well, turns out his electricity was in danger of being cut off. And actually, the service is still in my name (I felt bad enough about moving off and leaving him, so I kept the phone and electric in my name so he wouldn't have to pay deposits for new service), so I am, in effect, responsible for the past due balance.

Hold onto your hats, folks. The balance due on the electric bill was a whopping $790.86!!!

"Holy Mother of Mary!" is what I exclaimed.

What I didn't understand was how in the hell he still had electricity - he hadn't made a payment since October of 2001. And that's pretty much what my question was to TXU Electric. I told them that while I certainly appreciated that they had not caused my son to suffer by keeping the service going, if they had cut it off sooner, then perhaps the bill wouldn't have made it to this point. He would have been forced to ask for help when the bill would be a bit more reasonable for someone to assist him with paying it off.

Thankfully, TXU set up a payment plan for me. I paid a little over $200 on the 31st, and I have to pay about the same amount on the 15th of the next three months - mind you, that's in addition to the current bill when it arrives. I told Scott that if he didn't pay the current bill and I had to pay it for him in addition to the past due balance, I would cancel the service in my name, pay out the balance, and he'd have to put up the deposit to have the service turned on in his name. Tough love may be what this kid needs, I think.

On to another son. I don't know if I've written here that Justin (middle son) now lives with my mother in Arlington. He and his father just could not get along. And since I cannot really afford a two-bedroom apartment (not to mention, Justin and I don't always meld well either), we all agreed that he should live with his grandmother instead.

This seems to have worked out wonderfully for Justin. He is the center of attention as the only child in the house; he starts a summer job at Six Flags in March; and he is no longer butting heads with his equally obstinate father (yes, I'm obstinate, but The Ex is particularly unreasonable when it comes to Justin).

The downside to that has been baseball. In Terrell, Justin was a big fish in a small pond. In Arlington, he's swimming with the sharks.

Thirty-six kids tried out for the baseball team, and Justin didn't make the cut. He was at a bit of a disadvantage in that he showed up mid-year, and was dealing with some insecurity that comes with being the new kid.

But when he called his dad to tell him, The Ex didn't react very nicely at all.

A little background is in order here. The Ex also played baseball as a young boy, and had dreams of a career which were shattered by a knee injury. So, as often happens with parents and children, The Ex was living his own dream through Justin. His reaction was as much (if not more) about the loss of his dream as it was about Justin's. He basically told Justin that he might as well start calling military recruiters, since his baseball career was certainly over.

Empathy and sympathy are not exactly skills which The Ex has mastered. When we told our youngest two children about our plans to divorce, Justin cried. The Ex, sitting right beside him, made absolutely no attempts to comfort him - no hug, no pat on the back, no reaction whatsoever. I remember scowling at him, trying to motion with my eyes for him to do something. He never moved.

I don't say that to make him sound like a terrible person. He has many fine qualities. But he is definitely uncomfortable when it comes to emotional expression with his sons - or at least, one of them. He seems to do okay with Cody, but for some reason, there is this wall between him and Justin that is inexplicable. I can't figure out if it is related to a particular age, because I remember that when Justin was a baby, The Ex simply adored him. Somewhere along the way, he lost the ability to express love to Justin.

Of course, he blames this on me. He claims that when we separated for the first time in our marriage (at my initiation), Justin became distant from him. Given that Justin was only about two years old at the time, I find that a little hard to swallow.

But it's not surprising that it became "my" fault. Everything in the marriage was my fault to hear him tell it. Ha...Ha.

Oh, by the way - after he said nasty things to Justin, and Justin hung up on him, The Ex called me and asked if I'd called Justin on his behalf and explain why he'd said the things he did.

Funny that while I'm the designated bitch, I'm also the designated peacemaker.

Other than all of this, work continues to be demanding. I got an ear infection which took me down for a while. I finally have figured out that my body doesn't deal with stress very well. Anytime I push it too far, it always wins the rest it needs by turning on me. I end up with a serious infection or other debilitating condition that causes me to stop moving for a while. As a result, my only "vacation" time is actually sick time. That sucks. I need to take better care of myself on the front end instead of suffering on the back end.

Oh - and no more F-Bs. Don't have the time for them. Don't have the energy for them. Don't have the patience for them. Maybe one day.

Or maybe not. As Terri Clark has been singing to me lately on my stereo:

I used to feel sorry for someone like me
In a corner booth, pretending to read, on a Friday night.
I used to say, it just ain't right.
How could anybody ever have any fun
Without somebody, without someone?
It never dawned on me
The possibility
That it's not a bad thing.

And I'm beginning to see that possibility as more real than I ever could have imagined.