The Ex always said my testosterone levels were too high.

He believed this explained my too-dominant personality, and why we had only male children (some study came out during our marriage suggesting exactly that, and he jumped right on it). Of course, he'd probably be surprised to learn that testosterone also fuels a woman's sexual desire, given that our sex life was virtually non-existent.

But I think he may have been onto something anyway.

I stopped taking my birth control pills about a month ago. I really didn't see the point of them anymore, given my recent realization that my current job, combined with some exciting projects that will come to fruition in the next few months, will leave me with practically no free time to pursue any relationships, whether of the romantic variety or the strictly sexual, purely convenient type.

(Ironically, there are studies that suggest that women on the pill make poorer choices in men. So by going off the pill, I'm more likely to find myself attracted to a man of better quality than those I've been recently exposed to - but then I can't have wild, uninhibited sex with him since I'm no longer on the pill. Harrumph!!)

I also stopped taking my Elavil - a little warily, as the last time I did that, I turned into a weeping puddle of self-pity. (For the uninitiated, Elavil is an anti-depressant, so it boosts the serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin makes you happy; a sudden drop of it can therefore make you very unhappy.)

But I just wanted to see who exactly I was without the benefit of these medications.

Well, hell. Within a mere week of my declaration that there'd be no more F-Bs, I found myself suddenly filled with intense urges that I didn't quite know what to do with.

And I think it's because of these strange things we call hormones.

While I was on the pill, the estrogen it provided seemed to balance the testosterone in my body. Estrogen has the opposite effect on a woman's sexual desire than testosterone. I still had desire (and plenty of it), it just seemed more toned down. Now that my estrogen levels have dropped off, the testosterone is running rampant.

I started acting a bit too much like a man. Less talkative and more matter-of-fact. Less emotional and more logical. Less female-in-waiting and more male-in-hot-pursuit.

I stared at members of the opposite sex in restaurants. Flirted with cute waiters (I had to literally fight an overwhelming urge to pat the seat next to me in invitation when one especially adorable waiter asked if there was "anything else he could do for me"). Asked strangers what brand of cologne they're wearing. My friends were wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I walked through the door at home and immediately called F-B on the phone. Although I hadn't seen or even talked to him since shortly before Christmas, within ten minutes, he was on his way over (after I boldly asked him if that vasectomy was still working properly).

Needless to say, there was no time for catching up on what's been happening in either of our lives since we last did this. I practically broke his arm yanking him into the apartment.

Smart, smart man - he knew exactly what to do and how to do it. The only distraction from my determined effort to get to the goal line was Sasha, who didn't seem to understand that the two humans on the bed weren't interested in having canine company join them in their play.

And dear sweet Jesus, I could not believe the results. No mere stars here, I saw entire galaxies!

The next day, I floated into work on a cloud of sexual satisfaction. I was grinning so much at 7 a.m. that I could tell even my boss was wondering what the heck was up. When I saw him looking at me in such a puzzled way, I high-tailed it to my desk to avoid the inevitable question of what I was so damn happy about that early in the morning. (Because I was afraid I'd engage in a little too much male bonding behavior and brag about my conquest, therefore embarrassing him, since I am not actually "one of the guys".)

You would think that my encounter with F-B would have simmered me down a bit. But no, I was still on this weird, wild ride that had me hungrily eyeing men like they were medium-well steaks slathered in A1 sauce. It started to become damned embarrassing!

I even took this test in a book I'm reading that discusses the scientific reasons for differences between the sexes. It determines whether you have a primarily "male" brain or a "female" one. Men typically score between 0 and 180 on the test; women, between 150 and 300.

I scored a freaking 70!

Jesus Christ.

So finally, I just couldn't take it anymore. I called my gynecologist and got back on the pill - and with a higher-dose version than what I've been taking for the past two years.

Feeling like a horny man just doesn't fit into my life plans right now. Sigh.